Posts Tagged ‘dark night of the soul’

Disappointment and disillusionment have come to visit me again. In a big way.

I want so badly to believe that
There is truth, that love is real
And I want life in every word
To the extent that it’s absurd

“Clark Gable”, The Postal Service

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As I continue to reflect on my church situation, these “equations” come to mind:

Fear + Feelings > Faith + Fidelity

Tradition > Truth

{Reboot | Revitalization} => Resistance

Fear + Tradition + Control – Opportunities = Spectator Christians

Leadership / Competition = Disunity


For me personally, the equation I need to solve is:

Gifts + Wait + Discernment + Love = x(time) + y(direction)

Finding x to know God’s timing and y to know where He’s leading me …


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This song seems to capture my mood these days:

It feels like falling.
It feels like rain.
Like losing my balance
Again and again.
It once was so easy;
Breathe in, breathe out.
But at the foot of this mountain,
I only see clouds.

I feel out of focus,
Or at least indisposed
As this strange weather pattern
Inside me takes hold.
Each brave step forward,
I take three steps behind.
It’s mind over matter –
Matter over mind.

Slowly, then all at once.
A single loose thread
And it all comes undone.

Where there is light,
A shadow appears.
The cause and effect
When life interferes.
The same rule applies
To goodness and grief;
For in our great sorrow
We learn what joy means.

I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to fight it.
I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to fight it.
I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to fight it.
But I will learn to fight, I will learn to fight,
‘Til this pendulum finds equilibrium.

Slowly, then all at once.
The dark clouds depart,
And the damage is done.
So pardon the dust
While this all settles in.
With a broken heart,
Transformation begins.

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